COVID-19 Lockdown, Day 57
When you are a mental health social worker, there is never a dull moment. Never. This is especially true with the lockdown. This lockdown has made some of my clients rather symptomatic. There have been bouts of depression, increased anxiety, and then there has been delusions and paranoia. I had to petition a client today for involuntary admission after he kept harassing another client and became physical. Because he was angry with me for calling 911 and being forced to go to the hospital, he started screaming at me, calling me a liar, a traitor, and a nigger.
Let's pause for a moment. Those who know me best know how much I hate that word. I don't care if it is said as an insult, a reprimand, or a term of endearment. I don't care if you are as white-skinned as Emma Stone, as black-skinned as Don Cheadle, or everything in between. I don't care if your best friend is Black, Your spouse is Black, or if you gave your life savings to the United Negro College Fund. If you call me that word, we are going to have a problem. A major problem.
That being said, it honestly did not bother me that he called me that disgusting name. Part of it is because I was a professional and was at work, and, hard as it is at times, I cannot take things personally. The major reason why it did not bother me is because I look at the person saying the word. He has a plethora of medical problems, is often trapped in a delusional head where he perceives things that are not true, and has no family in the area and no friends in the house. In fact, the only friend he has in the world is Black. He would not dare call his only friend a nigger because he knows that he would then have absolutely no one in the world. Hence, he has a very sad, lonely life. While it is no excuse, it is merely his illness talking. The only thing he will gain from calling me a nigger is a guilty conscience once he feels better, and maybe some program repercussions.
It is almost funny this happened because only yesterday did I have a conversation with a friend and his wife about referring to people by ethnic slurs. The argument was whether or not it was acceptable to refer to even friends by ethnic slurs. Personally, I don't refer to anyone by an ethnic slur not only because it is bound to hurt some people but because I don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't want anyone calling me any ethnic slur; therefore, I do not refer to anyone by an ethnic slur. For those who like to use such slurs, I have one piece of advice: use caution. Sure, some ethnic slurs are meant to be neutral or even funny (such as a hurdy-gurdy for a Dane or even JAP for a young, well-off woman of Jewish heritage), but others are mean to mock people's heritage or language (spic, kike, wetback, beaner, raghead), and worse, there are those that are meant to dehumanize an ethnicity or an entire race (chink, gook, coolie, honky, ofay, coon, boy, and, of course, the most dehumanizing word of all, nigger). I do not allow any of these words to leave my mouth because I don't want anyone to have an defense after calling me a name. For instance, I once knew someone who is Italian, and anti-Italian slurs (especially dago and wop) are poison to her ears. Even so, she had no qualms about using the word "Injun" when referring to Native Americans. You cannot have it both ways. Each culture is beautiful in its own way (and if you started humming or singing, you must write a comment), and it must be respected.
No matter what anyone tells you, words have power. They can heal, injure, and sometimes destroy. I try very hard to choose my words carefully therefore. That is why I am sometimes quiet when I am angry. I try to calm down and think so that I don't say anything I will regret. On the other hand, words can be less harmful than actions at times. My mother used to say, "You can stop someone from calling you a nigger, but you can't stop them from treating you like one." To this, I remember two politicians: Strom Thurmond and Lyndon Johnson. Strom Thurmond prided himself in being a gallant Southern gentleman. An avid segregationist, he had given a 23 hour filibuster, the longest in history, against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Even so, he has never been heard to use any racial or ethnic slur: not even in private. Lyndon Johnson, the Texas cowboy, is a different story. He would call all
African Americans, even those for which he professed affection, niggers. Still, he endorsed and signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting and Immigration Rights Acts of 1965. Ironically, when he chastised George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama, for the way civil rights activists were being treated in Selma, he was known to say, "Why don't you just let the niggers vote?" Was he genuine yet ignorant or was he racist yet pragmatic? Who knows?
I can go on forever discussing this issue, but it is already past midnight, and I have work in the morning.
--Signing off.
Let's pause for a moment. Those who know me best know how much I hate that word. I don't care if it is said as an insult, a reprimand, or a term of endearment. I don't care if you are as white-skinned as Emma Stone, as black-skinned as Don Cheadle, or everything in between. I don't care if your best friend is Black, Your spouse is Black, or if you gave your life savings to the United Negro College Fund. If you call me that word, we are going to have a problem. A major problem.
That being said, it honestly did not bother me that he called me that disgusting name. Part of it is because I was a professional and was at work, and, hard as it is at times, I cannot take things personally. The major reason why it did not bother me is because I look at the person saying the word. He has a plethora of medical problems, is often trapped in a delusional head where he perceives things that are not true, and has no family in the area and no friends in the house. In fact, the only friend he has in the world is Black. He would not dare call his only friend a nigger because he knows that he would then have absolutely no one in the world. Hence, he has a very sad, lonely life. While it is no excuse, it is merely his illness talking. The only thing he will gain from calling me a nigger is a guilty conscience once he feels better, and maybe some program repercussions.
It is almost funny this happened because only yesterday did I have a conversation with a friend and his wife about referring to people by ethnic slurs. The argument was whether or not it was acceptable to refer to even friends by ethnic slurs. Personally, I don't refer to anyone by an ethnic slur not only because it is bound to hurt some people but because I don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't want anyone calling me any ethnic slur; therefore, I do not refer to anyone by an ethnic slur. For those who like to use such slurs, I have one piece of advice: use caution. Sure, some ethnic slurs are meant to be neutral or even funny (such as a hurdy-gurdy for a Dane or even JAP for a young, well-off woman of Jewish heritage), but others are mean to mock people's heritage or language (spic, kike, wetback, beaner, raghead), and worse, there are those that are meant to dehumanize an ethnicity or an entire race (chink, gook, coolie, honky, ofay, coon, boy, and, of course, the most dehumanizing word of all, nigger). I do not allow any of these words to leave my mouth because I don't want anyone to have an defense after calling me a name. For instance, I once knew someone who is Italian, and anti-Italian slurs (especially dago and wop) are poison to her ears. Even so, she had no qualms about using the word "Injun" when referring to Native Americans. You cannot have it both ways. Each culture is beautiful in its own way (and if you started humming or singing, you must write a comment), and it must be respected.
No matter what anyone tells you, words have power. They can heal, injure, and sometimes destroy. I try very hard to choose my words carefully therefore. That is why I am sometimes quiet when I am angry. I try to calm down and think so that I don't say anything I will regret. On the other hand, words can be less harmful than actions at times. My mother used to say, "You can stop someone from calling you a nigger, but you can't stop them from treating you like one." To this, I remember two politicians: Strom Thurmond and Lyndon Johnson. Strom Thurmond prided himself in being a gallant Southern gentleman. An avid segregationist, he had given a 23 hour filibuster, the longest in history, against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Even so, he has never been heard to use any racial or ethnic slur: not even in private. Lyndon Johnson, the Texas cowboy, is a different story. He would call all
African Americans, even those for which he professed affection, niggers. Still, he endorsed and signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting and Immigration Rights Acts of 1965. Ironically, when he chastised George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama, for the way civil rights activists were being treated in Selma, he was known to say, "Why don't you just let the niggers vote?" Was he genuine yet ignorant or was he racist yet pragmatic? Who knows?
I can go on forever discussing this issue, but it is already past midnight, and I have work in the morning.
--Signing off.
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