COVID-19 Lockdown, Day 167

 So, this has been quite a week. It started with the news that The Wife to get tested for COVID-19 because someone very reckless manager let a client stay in a room where my wife was volunteering. Fortunately, she came back negative, which is good news for both of us. That is still wrong of him. With all the nonsense going on, you do not let a person complaining of COVID-19 symptoms stay with others. That is just wrong, inconsiderate, and dangerous. Shame on him!

Next, for those who know me best, I suffer from depression, and I take medication for it. For a while, I was off of it because I did not want to be dependent on medication anymore. Plus, I don't like the side effects. For a while, I was off of the medication, but I noticed my depression was worsening, and I could only focus on how difficult my life has been: financial problems for the past 4 years, disrespect at work, the death of my aunt, COVID-19, my paternal grandma getting COVID-19 and my old man not telling me about it, verbal and emotional abuse from others, a client committing suicide, losing face at my last congregation because of pharisees, I cannot even hold my head up in public without wondering if I will be confused with the savages destroying cities and towns, and on top of that, the prior of the monastery I have mentioned has not been returning any of my messages about my application to be an oblate novice, and now I will likely need to rescind my application and apply at Monastery of the Holy Cross. Sure, the latter is Roman Catholic, and there are plenty of Catholic beliefs that I cannot agree with, but what else can I do when the only Lutheran monastery in North America is not answering my voicemails, emails, or letters (I have been trying to reach him since mid-July), and there is no such thing as an oblate in the LCMS? At least MOTHC answers all of my messages and accepts Lutherans. The prospect of being an oblate is the only thing that has given me hope and comfort in turning 40, so I must follow my calling and do what I need to do to become an oblate!

Have you felt like you were trapped between walls with no windows or exits? That is how I have felt the past few weeks, and it had gotten worse. It made me question the purpose of my existence, other than to suffer. Yes,  I felt trapped, and a part of me was ready to die. Yes, we are old friends, so I am not ashamed to tell you this. The majority of me, however, sought help and, frustratingly, I am back on medication. I feel better now, so no need to worry about me. This is simply not the year for me to stop taking medication. Alas, this is probably the worst year of my life, and I am so glad it is almost over. But again, don't worry about me. I am Devin Andrews, a child of God, and I am going to be fine. I just hope that, in the months we have left this month, the extremists can finally be silenced, and we can learn how to treat each other again. 


--Signing off. 

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