COVID-19 Lockdown, Day 93

This has been a reflective day for me. I was able to meditate more. I also talked to the Reverend Father about issues I have been having. It has been a while since I have been able to sit and talk with a clergyman about my problems and experiences. He assured me that we all feel trapped eventually, which is how I have been feeling--partly the reason why I have quadragentaphobia (Yes, it's a word; look it up).

He explained quite a bit to me. He told me about trans-reason analysis. By this, if I an trapped in a proverbial box where nothing makes sense, rise out of the box to analyze other boxes to get the big picture. He taught me about how to look for resolutions when there are no solutions in sight, and that finding a resolution is a shared task between me and anyone who shares the problem or is affected by it. He also talked about what dead churches look like and the characteristics of those who don't care that their church is dying.He acknowledged that there are those who may not share the zeal I may have for saving the church, and that if I cannot work through or with them, work around them. With my recent experiences, this makes abundant sense. It was great to be able to just sit and reflect. Just take in God's creation. God willing, I will be back soon and relatively often. Especially if I become a lay Benedictine (aka oblate). I think I am being pulled into that direction. Besides, I have already been living a life of service, so this would just make it official.

--Signing off.

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