My Daily Struggle in the COVID-19 Lockdown

One hundred days. I have been doing this blog for 100 days, or 3 1/3 months, every day, non-stop. These days have certainly not been uneventful. There have been the closure of businesses, people not respecting restrictions, politicians and others abusing the restrictions, a great surge in cases, rampant death, missing church, a church being burned down for challenging the local government, a Black man being murdered by a police officer in broad daylight, protests, riots, destruction of monuments, the skin color of looters and arsonists, returning to church under social distancing, and then discrimination by possible churchians. Then, there have been my aunt's death, issues at work, my quadragintaphobia, and my visit to the monastery. We started with Phase 1, the growth of COVID-19, Phase 2, the most lethal stage, which is where everything non-essential was closed and there was an increase in unemployment, thereby necessitating the need for stimulus checks, and where so many peopl...

Today was very sultry! Fortunately, I was able to spend most of the time indoors. When I got up this morning, after taking care of an unpleasant errand, I went to Panera Bread and did some writing on my book. I was able to get much accomplished since I had gotten many messages and texts. I received two comments about my post from yesterday. One person told me to "judge not, lest ye be judged, " and another accused me of gossiping and being one-sided. First the former comment. So many people, young and old, conservative and liberal, misquote that passage from the Gospel of John, seventh chapter. They do this to keep people from confronting them about their sins and because they are not interested in changing. Many will use their legal protected classes statuses for this, and many will use their youth or old age. People get tired of this from others. Those who are protected eventually are targeted, and while recalcitrant children eventually get the rod, elderly "good old...

Today was an okay day. I had a meeting at church with a few anonymous members of the congregation about why a comrade and I were resigning as elders of the church I currently attend. Well, let's just say that it was almost exactly how I anticipated. Let's just say that there was behavior of some Christians that was not very Christ-like. Let's just say that I received more reminders of how age and maturity are not always parallel. Let's just say that this particular congregation, as a few of them keep drilling holes in a sinking ship, has only a about 2-3 years, tops, before they shut their doors. Let's just say that people like those I have mentioned are part of the reason why churches close and their children and grandchildren abandon the faith. Hence, let's just say, or rather sing, the following parody: You treat people like roaches, you treat people like tools You treat people like roaches, you treat people like tools And you think you're the Savi...

This was another humid day. I really hope they find this vaccine soon because I am tired of wearing masks. I cannot wear them outside because I start wheezing. There are even stories of people fainting from ingesting too much carbon dioxide. Carbon monoxide is lethal, but a certain amount of carbon dioxide, dear friends, is also lethal. I keep seeing people outside wearing masks when they do not need to, such as when they are by themselves or the closest person to them is well over 6 feet away. This is not the right weather for prolonged use of masks! When I went out today, I only donned my mask when I entered a store or confronted a stranger. This is the only time we need these masks. It seems like we are darned if we do and darned if we don't. So, it is the middle of the weekend. How many Chicagoans will be shot by Monday? How many will be killed? How many of these will be children? Pardon the sarcasm, but is that not what we have come to in Illinois, where no one can enjoy a s...

Things are getting gradually better COVID-19 wise. In addition to the Phase 4 beginning, the governor decided to reopen schools for the fall semester. As for the states that did not take this seriously, they are raising restrictions again. Indeed, we should be taking this seriously, but we should not use this virus to oppress others and limit their freedom. We should also not be so afraid that we surrender our rights and freedoms. If we give up our rights and freedoms for security, all three will eventually be taken from us, and rightly so. It would appear that we are getting the repercussions from the riots which I knew would come. First, there are stories of police officers and private individuals who advocate killing, even via massacre, of African Americans. Furthermore, there was a news story of teachers taking a photograph whilst holding a noose, plus nooses just happening to appear in broad daylight. Then, there was the story of a young biracial woman who was attacked in her ca...

I am back from my retreat refreshed and able to tackle the world better. I guess I missed a few things while I was gone. First, I learned that over 80 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend, and about a dozen of those died, including a few children. One girl was sitting in her house and a bullet came in from her window. A man killed two teenagers for, wait for it, asking how tall he was. Black Lives Matter, indeed. Let the record show, friends, that those who murdered Black people over the weekend were Black! Not cops, not even rednecks or good old boys, but Black civilians! I read how supposed Black activists are offended when a person, usually White, mentions that there are good cops, show dissent for the looking and rioting, say all lives matter, or mention the deaths and random shootings in African-American neighborhoods. If that is the route they choose, then they should change their name Barbaric Black and Intellectually Stupid White Lives Matter. So, to them, Black L...

Today was very eventful. It was also my last day at St. Augustine's House. I will be coming home in the morning. While it is great to be on the mountain for a few days, it is time for me to grasp some of the gems I found and return to the plain. Before I go further, I made one minor error. The term the Reverend Father used is called "trans-rational analysis," not "trans-reason analysis." Mea culpa. In talking with The Wife last night, she gave me her blessing to join the Fellowship of St. Augustine, or, more formally, the Congregation of the Servants of Christ. I therefore completed the application for membership, handed it over to the Reverend Father, and I am now an oblate. After Dinner (lunch), I took a hike in the forest and almost stepped on a snake. Don't worry; it was a garter snake, and it ran away. After None prayers, I did some writing and then took the Reverend Father's dog, Midnight, for a walk. Rather, he took ME for a walk! At Vespers, ...

This has been a reflective day for me. I was able to meditate more. I also talked to the Reverend Father about issues I have been having. It has been a while since I have been able to sit and talk with a clergyman about my problems and experiences. He assured me that we all feel trapped eventually, which is how I have been feeling--partly the reason why I have quadragentaphobia (Yes, it's a word; look it up). He explained quite a bit to me. He told me about trans-reason analysis. By this, if I an trapped in a proverbial box where nothing makes sense, rise out of the box to analyze other boxes to get the big picture. He taught me about how to look for resolutions when there are no solutions in sight, and that finding a resolution is a shared task between me and anyone who shares the problem or is affected by it. He also talked about what dead churches look like and the characteristics of those who don't care that their church is dying.He acknowledged that there are those who m...

First full, and long, day at the monastery. Since I had gotten in late last night, I didn't get up on time for Matins (or Vigils), which is at 5:10 AM, but I did make it for Lauds, Terce, Holy Eucharist, Sext, None, Vespers, and Compline. Very beautiful and simplistic simple chanting. Almost as cleansing as the Missionary Baptist call to worship chant (aka I Love the Lord; He Heard My Cry). The food isn't the best so far (for a picky eater like me), but I was prepared for this. Besides, the food was the least of my motivation to come. There are three monks here, with two "fathers," including Father John Cochran, the Father Superior. A "father" is simply an ordained pastor who is also a monk. There is also a postulant who is an immigrant from Korea. There were also 3 Lay Benedictines who are residents here, and a father and a son who are visitors. I have been invited by the Reverend Father to become a Lay Benedictine. As I almost consider myself an independ...

Made it to the monastery! The train was an hour late in arriving because they were having brake problems long after we left Union Station. So annoying; it seems as if I always have problems when I travel. The place is very nice--right in the middle of the forest. Very quiet too. The Father Superior is the one who picked me up at the station, clad in a brown cassock, cincture, and scapular with a hood. He even wore the traditional sandals. He told me the history of the only Lutheran monastery in America, and one of three in the world. I will take many pictures and post them--including of my room, which is twice the size I thought it would be. I would write more, but I need to get to bed. After all, matins are at 5:10 in the morning. --Signing off.

Summer began today! Though the rain and the clouds made it difficult to notice, today was the longest day of the year. Tomorrow, I plan to go to church and then hurry home so The Wife can take me to the train station. Then, it's off to the monastery. I am really looking forward to the serenity and spiritual healing. Again, I plan to continue writing my blog while I am gone, internet access permitting. Good news and bad news for Chicago. First the good news. Starting Monday, the bars will be open, and indoor seating will be allowed once again--with restrictions. Is it possible that Olive Garden will break down and take reservations? Now, the bad news. A three-year-old boy was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting in the Austin neighborhood tonight. Disgusting. It does not even matter that the boy was not the target. If you are going to kill someone, at least be a man, get out of the car, and face your target. Don't open fire from a moving vehicle! What, do you think a bul...

It's vacation time! I was even able to leave early today. Hurrah! It's also Juneteenth! I arose this morning, added the red, black, and green flag just below the American flag on my car antenna, and I said the African-American pledge of allegiance. I am sure people are wondering what the African-American Pledge of Allegiance is and why we have it. First, here is the the answer to the first question. The African-American Pledge of Allegiance We pledge allegiance of the red, black and green Our flag, the symbol of our eternal struggle and to the land we must obtain. As for the second question, such a pledge, which is one of several for the same purpose, is mean to unify people for the sake of a common need and a common identity. Alas, African-Americans have a rich culture that is different from African or even Caribbean cultures. There are certain things that African Americans understand about each other that are foreign to all others, while there are things ...

Well, the fun continues! Some overly sensitive people, in response to the riots, felt that it was time to retire two common American logos: Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.They think that they are offensive and it is time to "evolve" their logos. Look at these. Do they look stereotypical? Do they look offensive? Of course, the origin of the titles Aunt and Uncle were offensive. In Jim Crow South, if a White person wanted to be "polite" to an elderly African-American man or woman, he would not call them sir or ma'am, so the only other option was to call the woman Aunt or Auntie and to call the man Uncle. Granted, Aunt Jemima's origins are racist. For generations, they have shown her logo looking like an ugly mammy. In fact, one logo showed her with the pancake flour on her face to make her look paler, while the one that stuck the longest had her with looking less stereotypical but with the same kerchief on her head and with mild blackface.         Since ...

To the quacks and the TWA doctors out there, I have a simple request. Would you kindly leave my clients alone? One of the people I have worked with for a long time has severe cancer, along with other health problems. She has been very trustworthy and polite with her doctors, and and with me. Still, she has a cancer that could have been treated effectively with a simple, routine test. A long time ago, she had a blood test result that came back abnormal, but a certain number was not high enough to be cancer even though it was higher than normal. Considering how my client always went to her medical appointments, and always complied with treatment, it could have been prevented with a little monitoring. Guess what that no-account doctor did? Nothing! And then, under the Obama regime, the "experts" said that such tests were not necessary to conduct annual as before, so she went years without this test. Then, when Trump became President, the test was given annually again. That is ...

"And so Jacob worked for Laban for 7 years to marry Rachel. But do you know what happened? Laban tricked Jacob and gave him his ugly daughter, Leah, so that to marry Rachel, he had to work for Laban another 7 years. So you see, children, the Bible clearly teaches us, you can never trust an employer!" That is my favorite quote from my favorite play, "Fiddler on the Roof." When I first saw this, I thought it was funny, but my humor about it keeps getting dryer and dryer. Why? Because, with the exception of some employers, like She Sits by the Fire, employers are untrustworthy. Loyalty and dependence means very little to them. I have been at my current job for over 10 years. In that first year, I worked extra hard. I worked even harder when I had a client with cancer. I worked extra hours and spend almost 90% of my documentable time with her. I went more that above and beyond. I did things for clients that my colleagues wouldn't even dream of doing. As this woman...

Last week of work before vacation. Huzzah! I'll still go to my Saturday job, though. That's a cakewalk compared to social work, and I get free pastries! I probably should go easy on the pastries though. I already have the gut of a woman who is 5 months pregnant. Just kidding! I bought my tickets to the monastery, I confirmed my itinerary with the Reverend Father, and it is all settled. It is going to be great to get away for a few days, to be in the middle on nowhere and commune with the Lord in contemplation and reflection. In actuality, I knew about this place for over 10 years, but this is my first time going. It was my plan that, if I were not married by 40, I would settle all debts and join a Lutheran monastery. Well, that didn't happen, but the principles of a monk have not really departed from me. In fact, I consider myself sort of an independent friar. Both monks and friars take similar vows, but friars do not separate themselves from society. Instead, they serv...

Went to church today. I was glad to see people there to worship and were not too afraid or "uncomfortable" to come inside. We had a decent service. Short, but decent. I am going to be on vacation in one week. Hallelujah! I can't wait to get on the train and go to the monastery for a few days. I still don't care to celebrate my birthday, but if my mother or my family want to do something, I'll go with them.  I also learned some good news today.Illinois has had the lowest COVID-19 dead count since April. That is such a blessing and a beacon hope. They will find a vaccine soon enough, and COVID-19 will be like a bad dream. Isn't God good? Now for some enlightening news. Someone videotaped the burning of Wendy's in Atlanta after Rayshard Books. Guess who lit the match? You guessed it: a White woman. She could be from Antifa White supremacists groups who want to frame African Americans, but many of these rioters are undoubtedly from BLM. Alas, they fit t...

Today was a peaceful day for me. I went to my Sunday job, bought groceries, and did some barbecuing. I also made an important decision today. After much prayer and many knots in my stomach, I finally made a decision to give something else. While I cannot say what I am giving up, I finally feel relaxed and at peace with my decision. Giving up something important to me is never easy, but I try hard to be a gentleman, and a gentleman always knows when to leave. So, that is all for the peaceful news. Now let us return to the violence because that is just want happened in Atlanta today. Rayshard Brooks was drinking and driving, and he decided to sleep it off in a Wendy's drive-thru. The police were called, and they made him take a sobriety test. When he failed, they tried to arrest him, but he starting fighting them. Somehow, he managed to take a taser away from the officer and started running. He then turned and pointed the taser at the officer, who then fired three times, killing Br...

Most of today was good. I returned to the office, and I was in for a busy day. It was great to be back. I will not miss being exiled from my office and having to lug around the dossiers of all of my clients. We still cannot drive people, but it's a start. I have had so much on my mind this week, but I am going to focus on two things tonight. First, I often reflect on why it is so difficult for younger people to go to church. Sure, some are bored by the liturgy or do not thing Christianity or church life are not hip and sophisticated enough. In my life, I have been a member of 4 churches, and all four have certain things in common. First, there are those who make the most noise on Sunday but live godless lives all other days of the week. Next, there is petty bickering back and forth and just general meanness. After all, why give up having fun with friends when you can just go to church and be around a bunch of mean people who do nothing but yell and argue, right? Third, those who ...

I received some good news today. First, I am no longer exiled from my office. I can start working on-site again. Hallelujah! There are still things I cannot do, such as drive clients and stay in enclosed spaces with them, but I will be able to have my office again. In the words of Mabel Simmons: "Halleluyer! Praise de Lort!" 😁 More good news: my church can start worshiping inside now, with social distancing of course. I have seen it done, and it will work. It has worked. I know that there are others who are still uncomfortable coming inside, but it is time. The virus is being controlled, we have been taught what viruses can and cannot cling to and for how long. Besides, other churches just as small as us are letting people inside with the same rules, and these churches have vulnerable people too: elderly, sick, et cetera. Another thing: summer is coming, and Chicago summers can be extremely hot. It was in the 80's and 90's in late May even. Do we want our clergy to...

Another rough day. Do you know what warfare tactic Shaka Zulu introduced to Southern Africa? It was called "impi" in which his soldiers would charge and surround the enemy in the shape of a bull's horns. The enemy would become surprised to find themselves so quickly surrounded by the enemy to a point where they could not escape and could only fight or die. That is how I have felt today in particular. It felt as if everyone were attacking me in some way: people at work, people from church, all of society, and even at home. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of needing to explain myself. Not that anyone would listen anyway. People are just so full of talk that they are deaf to the words of others. It's like I cannot do anything right. It feels that every mistake I do is placed on a billboard and taught to parrots to constantly repeat. What bothers me the most is that those who do the least have the most to say. They are the most critical. They will not volunteer to do...

Have you ever seen a family of geese? There is a retention pond close to my home, and for the past month, I see a goose family always walking together and eating from the ground. The father goose walks ahead of them all. He is the protector. The gander usually walks right behind the father goose. Her head is usually to the ground, and she usually shows her goslings where to find food. Then there are six goslings following their mother. I enjoy driving by the pond to watch them. There is a man named Jason who works for my village. He also goes to watch them, and so does his father. They will even give them an entire loaf of bread to eat. Nice to see people enjoying the simpler things in life. It's a joy to watch the goslings grow bigger and more grayish brown every day, casting off their fuzzy yellow coat. I wonder how much longer until they are adults. Will they stick close to their parents, or will they fly away to find their own ponds? In thinking about the riots, I have ...

Today was fine for a Monday. There are still protests going on, but thankfully, there are no riots. The National Guard did a good job of eradicating the violence. If only they called sooner, especially in Minneapolis. That city is wrecked. Some of the protesters are still demanding the defunding of the police force. Now the Mayor of New York, De Blasio, has promised to give them what they want. Yes, you read that correctly. The Mayor of New York plans to defund law enforcement. First, that is not a call he can make. He can recommend and sign bills into law, but it is up to the Council to make such laws. Either he is too easily slept away by emotions, or he remembers that he is up to reelection. At any rate, his ability to show leadership is constantly found wanting. He cares only about pleasing lobbyists and cultural elites. His regime as of late has only fostered division instead of unity. For a large and overcrowded city like New York, reducing the police force will only create dis...

Today was a mixed bag. We had another good service outside, even though we had issues with the sound system. For those who are unaware, moving an entire sound system is hard work. You must position speaks in a way that people can be heard, plug in cables to each of them, make sure there are enough microphones, and find a power supply for everything, all whilst organizing things so that no one trips. Trust me, preparing outdoor services is no picnic, and if the slightest thing goes wrong, someone will come over to complain. People seem to  be so quick to complain, yet it never occurs to them that people are trying their best. This is why it is difficult to get people to commit to volunteering. After all, if you are only going to get a finger wagged at you at every mistake, why bother? This reminds me of the story of an old man, his son, and their donkey. They had just harvested their crops for the year, and they placed their finished product in a cart and hitched up their donkey. ...

Went to my Saturday job this morning after months of furlough. It was very nice to be back. I actually started to feel normal again. She Sits by the Fire and I talked about how the protesters wanted to defund the police force and how that would not work. She told me about her experiences growing up in a small Swedish sub-neighborhood in Grand Crossing and how she grew up seeing only people and potential friends, and race matters were not really an issue. I am glad that she had this experience and that she was taught decent respect for others. Unfortunately, not everyone is taught to be so tolerant. Some parents indirectly tell their children discriminatory things just by ranting in anger or joking with a friend. Some deliberate bigots will make it a point to teach their bigotry to their children. On the other hand, most African-American parents have "the talk" with their children when they get to be a certain age. It happens when a child is treated differently from other ch...

I am so glad it is Friday and that the weekend is coming. Just two more weeks until my much-needed vacation. For those who may ask, I will still do my posts when I am in the monastery. They might be a little late if there is little to no internet. When the monks are working, I plan to use that time writing my book. This was a ridiculous day. Since my program director wanted me to get groceries at Costco for a while until I can take clients grocery shopping again, I spent practically two hours in that place because their setup was out of order, and so was the shopping list. On top of that, the store was surprisingly busy for a Friday morning, and I hate crowds like that; they make me nervous! Social distancing helped nothing either. When, oh, when, will these restrictions end?! It was in the 90's today, and I was so hot wearing that stupid mask. My agency had better give us some concrete answers soon; this is driving me bloody insane! Before I go further, a big thank you to Past...