My Daily Struggle in the COVID-19 Lockdown

This was a bad day. All over the country today, even if my hometown, Chicago, there is rioting. Yes, some areas have peaceful protests where police officers have even joined them, but in Chicago, its suburbs, such as North Riverside, Tinley Park, Orland Park, etc, as well as Atlanta, New York, Dallas, Los Angeles, Seattle, Phoenix, and, of course, Minneapolis, people are burning buildings, firebombing police cars, throwing things at officers, turning over vehicles, spray painting, and so forth. There was even a demonstration across the pond, in London! Many news networks still call these punks "protesters, so allow me to summarize what I wrote last night: While some of these rioters and looters are opportunists or more violent factions of BLM, there is much evidence that White supremacists have provoked the protesters, and Antifa has taken a great hand in hijacking peaceful demonstrations, turning them into riots. This is why the President has declared them a terrorist org...

Before I begin, I want to correct myself on one thing. I kept calling the subject of the rioters George Lloyd, when his name is George Floyd. My apologies. What started as a protest last Tuesday has turned into a violent national free-for-all. In the middle of all of this, everyone continues to point fingers at everyone else. If it is not the President, it is the entire police force, the prosecutors, or the progressives. There were even acts of violence in downtown Chicago today, forcing Mayor Lightfoot to impose a curfew "until further notice." If I must blame someone, I blame the "progressives" for encouraging people to fight belligerently for their rights but ignore their responsibilities. I blame the Democratic party for making empty promises to ethnic minorities and for caring more about sexual minorities and women who want to kill unborn children than about true understanding and mutual respect. I blame the White supremacists who taught Chauvin that, in th...

This has been quite a day. First, Jewel was several hours late with groceries for my site because ten people allegedly called off today. While that is a shame, someone should have called me. Instead, their workers kept telling me that the groceries would be ready "in ten minute. Instead, they had to deliver groceries to my site after 7:30. This is the third time they have done this to me, and the last. I shall simply find another location to patronize. Well, there seems to be good new and bad news. The good news, that pig Chauvin was finally arrested and charged with murder. The bad news? They forget to arrest his accomplices. After all, they could have helped Lloyd, but they just stood there while Chauvin murdered Lloyd. The are accessories to murder, and they should be arrested also. More bad news? Minneapolis is burning, and the 3rd precinct police station was burned to the ground. I even read about how an African -American man had saved for a sports bar and was about to open...

Macchiavelli. Those who have taken Humanities in college have learned at least a little about Niccolo Machiavelli. He was a Renaissance diplomat who taught his contemporaries how to maintain power yet extend mercy and reason. One thing I remember most about him is how he asserts it is better to be feared than hated, which is why you can execute a man's father for a petty crime, and he might forgive you as long as you leave his inheritance alone. Hence, Machiavelli was, if anything else, a pragmatist. He was ruled by reason. I have seen little pragmatism in the George Lloyd matter this week. Before I continue, I want to commend the many police chiefs across the country who have condemned this hate crime and called it what it is: murder. Now, I wish to denounce Hal Marx, the mayor of Petal, Mississippi, who said, "if you can talk, you can breathe," referring to George Lloyd's last words. Has this man even graduated high school? Seriously?! It does not take an asth...

An angry world has become angrier. A frightened world just became more frightened. Minneapolis is on fire, and looters follow angry protesters, ruining what could be a noble movement. People express bitterness against the police--those who are sworn to serve and protect. While some officers uphold their oath, others choose to serve their hatred and protect their egos on steroids. As a result, Mayor Frey is demanding the arrest of the villainous swine who lynched George Lloyd. Every single organization with an agenda has expressed outrage. Conservative groups, liberal groups, religious leaders, actors, singers, and politicians finally have something in common: they have seen a gross injustice, and they are outraged. Even with all the sadly ironic division during the pandemic, only now are people starting to hold hands and sing kumbaya. All it took was the murder of a Black man. I'm glad it is finally happening, but how long will it have the right effect? Who will ruin it, like the...

I am going to digress a from my usual topic to discuss a topic that has really upset me. By now, you know what I am talking about when I tell you about the name George Lloyd and the city Minneapolis. This is a man who was murdered by Derek Chauvin, the Klansman in blue, in broad daylight and on film. Yes, he was resisting arrest. Yes, he probably was passing counterfeit bills. Still, there are ways a belligerent perpetrator can be detained and transported without chokeholds, which have been proven to be unnecessary and deadly. I have even seen footage of a man with a weapon apprehended without injury to either party. Therefore, there is no reason an unarmed man should be killed by one officer, with the blessing of three other officers. There is no reason why a cop should kneel on a man for five minutes, FIVE MINUTES, especially when the man stops resisting. Especially when he is pleading for his life, saying "I can't breathe! Everything hurts!" Don't believe me? Wat...

So, the good news is, the issue with Big Syl is not the compressor. Halleluyah! It appears to be electrical. They need another day, however, to find and resolve the problem, so I won't get my car back until tomorrow. More good news: the death toll for COVID-19 is the lowest it has been in a month. Yes, it does seem as if the virus is being controlled. So far, it seems that the move to Phase 3 on Friday is inevitable.  In retrospect, when the nation determines what the "new normal" will be after a vaccine or treatment is approved, they need to create laws to stop people from neglecting to cover their mouths in public areas when they cough or sneeze. We need to outlaw such carelessness of people. To take it a step further, schools must start making sure their students, even kindergartners, are aware of preventative measures. Additionally, all child care providers must either send sick children home or keep them in isolation. Workplaces must either provide sick pay for t...

I had a good worship at church today. We did a drive in service, and people formed a circle with their cars. It just made me want to burst out singing: "Oh, may the circle be unbroken by and by, Lord, by and by..." It was a warm and sunny day, and I needed to hold onto an umbrella to avoid getting overheated. An argument between a few people almost but a damper on the beautiful day as a few people had gotten into an argument about who is the right authority on social distancing and COVID-19, and so on. This damned virus is driving everyone crazy. Not just the virus, but fearmongering politicians, media, and "experts". I see truth in what each of them say, but not full truth. Besides, none of them truly know everything, so we must stop behaving as if their words are gospel. I am unaware if any of you have experienced this yet, but when I wear a mask too long, I start having trouble breathing. At first, I thought it was too much fat in my midsection, and then I thou...

Today was an interesting day. First, I was expecting a package to be redelivered today, but the mail never came. Now I will have to wait until Tuesday to receive the package. Blimey! Yes, I know that COVID-19 slows down everything, so I will just need to be patient. I am going to feel guilty if the postal workers are working tomorrow, a Sunday. Second, I took my minivan in for an oil change and to have them check the air conditioner. When I turn the air conditioner on, it only blows warm air. I had to spend all of last summer, the world's hottest summer on record, without air conditioning in my car. They had to recharge the car with freon, but the compressor would not start. They need to hold onto Big Syl until Monday so that they can rule out electric wiring. I can never catch a break, it seems. Why must life be so difficult for innocent people and for people who try? I so hope it is not the compressor because I have already put so much money to essentially rebuild the car. If...

Hello, friends! So, I have gotten a total of 5 responses to my survey, all of them recommending that I keep writing the survey,and 4 of these recommending I keep writing this blog  until the end of Phase 4. Four out of five are responses from my biggest fans, plus some of the few people I allow to give me a hard time (though one rarely does; she knows who she is). One is an art teacher who took an interest in me as a child; she would always shake her head and ask me, "What am I going to do with you?"So, while I have not officially made up my mind, I will most likely keep writing this blog. Since The Wife does not like beards, She-sits-by-the-hearth recommended removing the beard after Phase 2 ends--to put my wife out of her misery. So, as long as she is good, I will oblige her. 😀 Let's get back to that church bombing for a moment. I was able to speak to the pastor of that church, First Pentecostal of Holly Spring, Mississippi. They are not going to let terrorism stop...

Imagine a town torn apart by hatred                                                         Intolerance                                                                  Unequal protection under the law                                                                                        In a state known for its bigotry and subjugation                                     ...

Nine more days. That's right. In 9 more days, Illinois will move to Phase 3. Nonessential businesses will be allowed to open, with the following of specific guidelines, and, while eating and drinking indoors will still be restricted or forbidden, outdoor dining will be allowed. Moreover, state parks will be opened, and retail stores can open, provided capacity limits are followed. Additionally, according to Dr. Ngozi Ezike, the director of Illinois' Department of Public Health, the numbers of infected Illinoisans continues to drop, with the number of hospitalizations dropping below 4,000 since they started taking statistics essentially, and the numbers of those testing positive for COVID-19 and COVID-related deaths. Unless something major and unforeseen happens, there is nothing to prevent the lockdown (in the strictest sense) from expiring on May 29--9 days from now. So, this is good news all around. Still, it leaves me with questions. First, will there still be restrictio...

I had an interesting encounter at a McDonald's today. I went to the location at 86th and Harlem as it was only a few blocks from my temporary office. I knew that all locations in the vicinity had closed their dining rooms, so I just wanted to get something to go. The door, however, was locked even though the drive through was open. Since I had a smartphone, I installed their app and ordered my meal that way.  When I paid, I had a choice between curbside service and drive-through. Since I walked, I chose curbside service, and I selected the pickup spot. Within 3 minutes, a woman came out with my food, but she walked to the wrong location. Clad in the mandatory mask, I flagged her over. "You're supposed to have a car!" the woman said. "I walked over here, and your door was locked," I answered. "I chose curbside service." "I'll give it to you this time, but not next time," the woman said, handing me my meal. Hold on a ...

When you are a mental health social worker, there is never a dull moment. Never. This is especially true with the lockdown. This lockdown has made some of my clients rather symptomatic. There have been bouts of depression, increased anxiety, and then there has been delusions and paranoia. I had to petition a client today for involuntary admission after he kept harassing another client and became physical. Because he was angry with me for calling 911 and being forced to go to the hospital, he started screaming at me, calling me a liar, a traitor, and a nigger. Let's pause for a moment. Those who know me best know how much I hate that word. I don't care if it is said as an insult, a reprimand, or a term of endearment. I don't care if you are as white-skinned as Emma Stone, as black-skinned as Don Cheadle, or everything in between. I don't care if your best friend is Black, Your spouse is Black, or if you gave your life savings to the United Negro College Fund. If you ca...

Well, it rained. As much as I hoped for dry weather today, it virtually rained nonstop today. In fact, certain parts of Cook County were flooded. I arrived at the church early this morning to help set up the outdoor service when I saw that most of the other officers were already there. They decided to move services inside the church. For every open pew, two pews before and after were cordoned off. Since we had no organist today, the vicar had organ music pre-recorded. And we had church! Not too many people came, but it was almost like it usually is, with having so much open space for our numbers. I was so glad that we could finally worship together again. Livestream is simply not the same. While you get a glow from the computer screen, there are no warm bodies or smiling faces. Even though we were within the law today, I mentally prepared for there to be a ticket tucked under my windshield wiper. Even though the lockdown is important to keeping the vulnerable safe from the virus, e...

Today was pretty productive. I ran an errand, bought groceries, and completed a small project for my side job. The wife and I then drove to Des Plaines to see my best friend and her family. There, we talked about old times when she and I worked together over a delicious Indian iftar dinner.  I talked more about how I lately feel taken advantage of at work since I am a veteran in the mental health field. I vented about how I keep being called on to do duties for one program when I am in another one. Yes, I should talk to my supervisors about my concerns, but then I have tried talking to them, and it does no good. Nothing changes. Besides, I don't want to give them any  fodder to use against me. Employers can be really fickle at times. I can do a million things with no reward, but I get a proverbial flogging over one little mistake. I have heard of hard workers who have been at my agency for years who are dismissed for the most petty things. For all my years at this agency, I...

Another day, another protest to reopen the state. While the Governor plans to move Illinois to Phase 3, the Recovery Phase, many lawmakers in various towns throughout the state are becoming restless because of the economic disaster the lockdown is causing them. One mayor downstate even threatened to defy the order. I am at the middle of the argument as both sides have valid points. As long as both sides are being reasonable. The definition of reasonable is simple: the opposite of Gavin Newsom, This shameful excuse for a governor has ordered the state's lockdown to be extended to August. Even our local premier has enough sense to take things a few weeks at a time. Furthermore, he has authorized COVID-19 relief funding to be extended to those in the country illegally. Let's remove the morality and ethics of illegal immigration for a moment. Throughout the country, there are people still waiting for their stimulus checks. For some, those checks barely help their families because...

Today is so far the best of the week. First, my congregation is preparing for a drive-in worship service this Sunday. Halleluyah! We can finally return to church, even if it is outside. I am even going to sing my hymn about being brave and having hope in the Lord even during the pandemic. If uses the tune of the Dutch National Anthem. I'll post the lyrics below. Second, I spoke to one of the organizers of the GoFundMe campaign for my alma mater. As it turns out, they did not know anything about my campaign. In fact, one of them was once burned by the "leadership" committee too. Again, some things never change. She agreed with me that the way I was treated was not only wrong, but un-Christian. They have invited me to join their campaign and other plans they have (Top secret, friends!), and I have accepted.  I just want to reflect a little more on how I was treated. It is like certain people were like a mad dog that was starving to death. I hold out a biscuit for them, ...

Today was better than yesterday, but I still had a weight in my stomach. I still worry about Putty and Grandma. I pray that they will be all right. I heard about how LA will extend their lockdown until August. August. That's a good portion of the summer. While I am not a fan of California, I know that summer is very important. Imagine closed or restricted beaches, restaurants, bars, clubs, etc. But then. imagine the unemployment. The percentage of people who are unemployed in this country has skyrocketed for the first time in several years. Some even say that the Great Depression is the only unemployment period worse than now. No wonder people are upset and are fighting against the state governments. But then, there are the deaths. Illinois has faced its highest spike so far--192 deaths in 24 hours. What about the percentage of those officially diagnosed? Has that also decreased? Is this lockdown truly working as it should? Is the source of our problems the incidents of quarant...

We had the funeral. It was just as emotional as I anticipated. We more or less observed social distancing, and we had a down-home funeral service for my aunt. I almost forgot I was Lutheran! haha I was glad to have the wife there to support me, and of course my mother was there, and Jayla, my cousin Putty's teen daughter, sat with us. She took it very roughly, losing her grandmother, Putty was hanging on, but at the finally viewing, she broke down. Then Jayla. Then, yes, me. Not only was I responding to everyone else's pain, but losing so many people around me, especially Ms. Sommese, was just too overwhelming. I know that Aunt Hattie, Ms. Sommese, the Holstein's, and my clients are in better places, but it still hurts. Even now do I feel as if I still have rain and thunder left. I say it a million times, I AM BLOODY WELL SICK OF DEATH! Can I get an Amen? All I can say is, if ever the time came that I lost my mother and wife at the same time (God forbid), someone may need...

Tomorrow is the day. Twenty-five of us will sit in church and say goodbye to Aunt Hattie before we bury her. For those who are not part of the immediate family, they will need to watch via Zoom. It hit me this afternoon that tomorrow was the funeral. Since then, my chest has been tight, my breathing has become a little labored, and occasional tears still flow. I will miss Aunt Hattie very much. I will miss her raspy voice, how she nods her head when she talks and listens, and even her constant posting and messaging. Tomorrow will be hard for everyone, but we will get through it. We must. This has been even harder on my grandmother. She will not be joining us tomorrow because it is all too much for her. Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you gave birth to 8 children and you buried three of those. Plus two sisters, both parents, and her best friend. Burying even one child is one too many. I weep especially for her, for only God knows how much pain she is in. I weep for her daughter and...

This was a good day. It was Mother's Day. As Kristen and I have been practicing social distancing, it was safe to visit my mother. I cooked my new signature dish, Poulet du Provence et P omme Rôties a la Sauce  Provençale (Frenchified chicken and roasted potatoes), along with some baked asparagus. The meal was a big hit; in fact, my wife and mother called it a meal fit for a restaurant. Quite a complement, yes? Throughout the day, I could not help but remember all of those who have lost their mothers or mothers who have lost their children, and not just because of COVID-19, but also because of of other factors. I especially remembered how my best friend's husband and my cousin Putty both lost their mothers. Additionally, my grandmother lost her daughter. I know today must have been difficult for them, and I felt bad. I felt something else, however: blessed. My mother is alive and in good health, and there is nothing to convince me that this would change in the near future. ...

God be praised! The Lord is starting to answer my prayers. R emdesivir, the first medication shown to bring faster recovery for those with COVID-19, is coming to hospitals in Illinois! Surely, many will say, "That's good for those who have it, but what about a vaccine? How can we stop COVID-19 from being so contagious?" This medication is still important because it requires some understanding of the virus in order for it to bring a faster recovery. This in return could keep more people from dying. If we understand the virus enough to treat it, it will not be long before we can create a vaccine or even, God willing, a cure. We must allow ourselves to luxuriate in this possibility! I keep reading about protests against lockdowns in Illinois and especially Michigan.While our governor has been decent about how he handles the quarantine and treatment, what I have read about Michigan' governor makes it seem as if she has crossed the line too many times. (Of course, that d...

Not much to report. This lockdown has really taken a toll on my clients. Symptoms nonexistent before are a huge problem now. I wonder what it was like for Anne Frank and the other residents of The Secret Annex. Surely they snapped a few times, yes? Signing off.

So, I promised pictures. They are near the bottom of the post. There was one picture I wanted to show. It was probably the first picture and I took together. As a baby and toddler, I had many health problems. In this one picture, I was getting ready to leave the hospital after my open heart surgery. She was sitting in a chair next to my hospital crib holding me with one arm, with a small child's belt in her other hand (not mine, and not for me ;-) ). Behind us was a window with a brownstone in the background. I think I was in the hospital that used to be Children's Memorial Hospital. I looked in every place where I keep pictures, and I cannot find it for the life of me! What can I expect? Whenever I don't need something, it is always around, but the moment I look for it, it disappears! Such is my fortune. I finally had a chance to look at Governor Pritzker's Five Phases. We are now in Phase 2. I pray that they will find an effective treatment or vaccine soon. I year...

Today started out rough. As you can tell from my previous post, yesterday was pretty bad. I went over to see my grandmother, my cousin, and her children. They are doing as well as can be expected. They are getting ready for next week, going through her belongings. That is such as stressful and emotional thing to do as it is matter of going through old pictures and memoirs. Aunt Hattie certainly took a lot of photos! In fact, she took photos of everyone! I am going to look for some photos tomorrow and will post what I find. In other news, it seems that governor is planning to "reopen" the state in 5 stages. With all that has transpired, I hadn't the chance to read more into this. I should do that tomorrow. Alas, this lockdown has placed us into a stalemate. On the one hand, if we reopen the state too hastily, more people will get sick and die. On the other hand, if we keep this strict lockdown for too long, the state, and its less fortunate residents, will go bankrupt. ...